After years of wondering what discipline is all about and how to make it a constant factor in my life, I think I’ve cracked the code today.

This morning I woke up early, and as with every day, I love spending my first hours doing something for myself before I start hustling for work. That’s also the reason why I decided that Mondays will be a work-from-home day: I want to feel that I’m in control of my work life and not the other way around.

Today I decided to spend the first couple of hours reading the new novel I’ve started and have been enjoying very much. I got into the shower, made myself a cup of coffee, did some tidying around the kitchen, and then sat on my armchair next to my bedroom window, grabbed my book, sipped my coffee, and started reading.

I finished a couple of chapters and put the book aside. Looking at the clock, I realised there were still about twenty-five minutes before I needed to log in and start working, which I normally do at 9 a.m.

So I sat there with my thoughts, thinking about how the past couple of months have shown more development in my life than any months before. I think that since October I have been able to establish the kind of life I’ve always wanted: an active routine focused on self-care physically, emotionally, and socially.

A quiet a-ha moment

In one of those thoughts, I reflected on how much less dependent I’ve become on checking social media and looking at my phone every now and then. I’m still someone who appreciates responding to the people I love as quickly as I can because, for me, it’s a sign of respect. But I spend much less time on my phone these days.

That’s when I had a sort of a-ha moment. And it can be summed up in one sentence: it’s not about achieving a perfect routine; it’s not about not feeling the urge; it’s about staying level-headed and in control while having those feelings.

Let me explain…

Let’s stay with the example of checking social media. Just a few months ago, scrolling through social media was something I did every day and for hours. Thank God I had at least established the rule that I don’t do this right when I wake up or before I sleep, because I usually keep my phone far away from me and out of reach from my bed. But it was still the default thing to turn to whenever I got a little bored.

I had imagined that, in order to achieve discipline, my state of mind should be one that totally eliminates the urge to do this, that I wouldn’t even think about it or remember that I had social media accounts. This is how I imagined truly disciplined people operate. I was wrong.

The myth vs. reality of discipline

I had painted a perfect image in my head of what I should be in order to call myself disciplined. Now I realise that it’s not perfect, and it never will be. There’s no such thing.

Even the people who seem to “master” discipline still check social media or binge sometimes. So discipline, whether in the example of social media, food, swiping on dating apps, or smoking, is not about not feeling the need or not having the urge or never doing the thing at all; It’s actually about recognising the feeling but staying in control.

That doesn’t happen overnight. It takes baby steps and a lot of space—mental and emotional space.

Baby steps, awareness and embracing imperfection

First, you start with a baby step: something very small that you know will help you do less of whatever you tend to binge on. Even if that is fifteen minutes less on Netflix or five minutes more on the treadmill. Then you have to remain watchful.

What I mean by that is giving yourself the power to watch the feeling, the binge, or the urge come up like a mouse coming out of its tiny house. It lifts its head and it’s there, you see it and you feel it. That’s when you have to give yourself space. Sit there in silence while it happens.

Then you start a conversation with yourself and ask: Is this necessary right now? Is there an alternative? Am I doing this because I’m bored or because I genuinely need it?

You can also just sit there and watch it. And if you allow the feeling to come, you can let it pass. In many cases the urge will disappear a few minutes after you become aware of it (fully aware of it) in the sense of giving it your complete attention in the present moment.

And lastly, a very important step, and that is accepting and forgiving yourself fully if you slip into your bad habit during the day. This is important because feelings of shame and guilt could take you off track completely. It feels great to embrace our imperfect moments; it feels like love ❤️

A small victory worth celebrating

This might be quite normal for someone else, but for me, as a person who has struggled with discipline almost all my life, this is a milestone! a revelation!

Simply knowing that I never had to be perfect, that I never had to embody that image of someone with a perfect routine and perfect discipline, who never even feels the urges, and realising that I can be imperfect and still in control warms my heart.

So I think today is a day to celebrate, though not with whatever I usually binge on. It’s a day to mark, and I’m marking it with this blog.

It’s a day to recognise that I now have the actual knowing of what discipline really is, not just the phrases and paragraphs from books and texts I’ve read or videos I’ve watched, but the deep, heart-level knowing of what discipline is and how I can play this game 🙂

And now it’s almost 9:30 and I have to get to work 💻