(True story) – Some situations at work teach you more about human nature than any leadership course ever could. Recently, I found myself in one of those quiet tests, the kind that begins with a small remark in a meeting but lingers long after everyone has left the room.

A tiny corporate battle happened last week between me and my team leader. Nothing earth-shattering, but it was quite insightful in the sense that it gave me a new perspective about the people I’m working with.

During a team discussion, my name was mentioned to raise a point about a social media tool the company promotes. I had forgotten what it was and innocently asked about it the day before. Surprised that I didn’t know, my team leader told me I need to be better informed.

Next day in the meeting, my mishap was used to teach others to stay up to date. I was basically exposed for a minor mistake.

My team leader’s comment in front of everyone wasn’t particularly harsh or angry, yet it landed with that sting of being singled out. Later, after sitting with it, I decided to speak up. I wrote her a message explaining that being called out in front of the team felt discouraging and that I’d prefer such points to be raised privately.

The reply was polite, but it came with a covert twist: “I didn’t mention you”!

There it was, a reminder that in the corporate world, power isn’t only in what’s said, but in what’s denied. Sometimes it’s not the act itself, but the quiet re-framing of events that surprises you.

Riding the wave

In that same meeting, and while the rest of the team was hearing about how I forgot what the tool was, a colleague chose to use this opportunity to look good.

She asked about the name of the tool, and the team leader happily, and without hesitation, answered her, taking the whole uncomfortable situation to another level.

“Oh, that’s the one for social media,” commented my colleague.

What might seem like an innocent question-and-answer dynamic, wreaked of ulterior motives: gaining grounds over someone else’s vulnerability.

In psychological terms, it’s called status alignment: she aligned herself with the authority figure to gain favour or appear knowledgeable.

I was instantly aware of her motive and I secretly smiled inside because it was a very cheap and obvious move. It wasn’t about me at all; it was about her need for validation.

In the Middle East, we call such acts “fishing in murky waters” – it basically refers to using an unpleasant situation to achieve personal gain. This idiom applies to both the behaviour my team leader chose in order to teach us a lesson, and the opportunistic stunt my colleague pulled.

The many subtle forms of corporate power play

Power play in the office often shows up in subtle forms: selective memory, silent treatment, carefully worded “apologies”, or friendliness used as a seal to close uncomfortable topics. It’s rarely overt manipulation, more often it’s self-preservation wrapped in politeness or avoidance. And that’s when a real question arises: do you speak up, or do you step back?

In the meeting I chose to speak up, saying that it is unrealistic to expect me to remember everything, especially tools I don’t use. But I realised that my reaction just gave her more context to chew on.

But I’m always learning. In this scenario, I learned that both timing and environment matter. Not every truth needs to be voiced on the same battlefield where it was dismissed. Some conversations are better met with silence, with behavioural change. That’s an important reminder that we need to choose when to speak, when to observe, and when to simply move on with quiet clarity.

Not everything is worth your response, not everyone deserves your openness, particularly those who you know will use it against you.

I have recently been fascinated by the philosophy of behavioural expert Chase Hughes. He cracked the image I had of what makes a good person. He reminded me that it’s ok not to be nice to everyone, it’s ok not to respond and it’s ok to choose awkward silence. It’s not rudeness, it’s self-respect.

I’m now reminded of one of his most powerful quotes which will be a mantra I carry at the office from now on:

“Access to me is earned and not everyone qualifies.” – Chase Hughes