Have you ever truly contemplated the difference between niceness and kindness?

As kids, many of us were raised to put on our best behaviour in front of people and make sure that we are the sweethearts of everyone we meet. We were raised to people please! You’re not alone; everyone had this experience one way or another. But now as adults delved into the game of life with other people pleasers, spotting the difference is a wisdom, a special power.

Let’s take a real-life scenario: let’s say your teammate, whose desk is beside yours, has a bad body odour. You see some colleagues looking at each other, making subtle comments about the smell in the office, exchanging side smiles, maybe even speaking about your teammate behind their back. Would you tell him/her about the odour or would you not in fear of hurting their feelings?

Telling someone they have a bad odour might feel awkward, but it’s an act of kindness. Smiling in their face and saying nothing? That’s just niceness — it protects your comfort, not their dignity.

Niceness often takes the passive road. It’s smiling sweetly, saying agreeable things, but never addressing real issues. It’s the tendency to speak warmly in public and critically in private. It’s choosing surface-level harmony over genuine connection.

Kindness, on the other hand, is active. It’s sitting down with someone to talk openly about a problem, even if it’s uncomfortable, even if it risks upsetting them. Kindness requires courage. It doesn’t settle for keeping the peace on the surface; it’s about making sure the relationship is built on truth and respect.

The difference is simple:

• Niceness makes things pleasant. Kindness makes things better.
• Niceness smooths over the surface; kindness tends to the roots.

So would you choose harmony over the real good of others?

At its heart, kindness comes from a place of genuine care and moral responsibility even if it involves gentle disruption or difficult conversations. It’s an intrinsic desire to help and uplift, even when it’s hard. Niceness, however, can be a self-serving strategy — a way to gain approval, to avoid conflict, or to keep things comfortable for ourselves.

While niceness will make you lovely company, kindness will transform you into a genuine friend.

Tips on how to spot the difference in people

A “nice” person often wins people over by taking the easy road and using smooth words, friendly smiles, telling people what they want to hear. Their charm can feel pleasant in the moment, but it doesn’t always translate into lasting support.

You will notice that their behavior is inconsistent; they may even treat different people in different ways and find it difficult to draw boundaries because they want to be liked.

They rarely engage in controversial topics in fear they’ll be rejected.

Nice people feel comfortable participating in gossip as a way to stay connected or maintain social favour. They are the ones who choose passive-aggressive behavior instead of direct communication.

A “kind” person, on the other hand, lets their compassion speak through consistent action. They help without expecting recognition, keep their word even when it’s inconvenient, and treat everyone with the same respect.

Kind people value honesty over appeasement, so they can say “no” when needed and will stand up against unfairness even if it risks disapproval. They avoid gossip, preferring either to stay silent, change the subject, or defend someone who isn’t there.

Their communication is direct and may be seen as too honest. Some people – especially those who think of themselves as “nice – may even describe them as arrogant or “too much”.

At the end… it’s not to say that one person is better than the other, or that one is right and the other is wrong. Judging people is never a good idea. However, judging behavior is what helps us grow into our most authentic selves.

And the best thing is that you can be both, nice and kind, as long as you’re true to yourself and others 💜